I binge-watched Lucifer on Netflix recently.
There’s something about a sexual deviant with dad issues that really speaks to my soul.
… which means I liked it, obviously. I mean, I’ll admit, the sex puns/jokes are at LEAST 65% of my investment, but that doesn’t make it any less valid. Plus, you gotta appreciate a show-- a PROCEDURAL, even-- that 1) has an actual, canonically-portrayed bisexual as the main character, because we all know that’s rare AF, 2) has a Casanova-type male character that DOESN’T lie to people to get them to sleep with him (!) AND actually mentions the importance of consent (!!!), 3) has a complete lack of Male Gaze Moments for the female lead (like, what?!), 4) normalizes therapy, and 5) is clearly making an effort in regards to racial/sexuality representation and feminism-- they don’t always get there, but you can see they’re trying, at least.
Plus, the two romantic leads are just such awkward preteens about their feelings for each other and I’m digging it. Deckerstar!
(I’m going to be 35 this year. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.)
But I want to talk about the final episode of the third season, because it gave me an urge for capital letters.
YOU GUYS. NEIL GAIMAN IS GOD.
And also Lucifer’s dad, which is a bit problematic because now every time Lucifer complains about his father I’m going to think, “BUT HOW CAN YOU BE MAD AT NEIL GAIMAN?!” Like, up until that point in the series, I was all on Luci’s side, like, “Yeah, WHY is your dad such a dick?!??!” But now? C’mon. It’s Neil Gaiman. Like, who CARES if he handpicked your soulmate, have you READ Stardust?! It’ll be fine. He knows what he’s doing.
But also? What a freakin’ bummer that God/Neil had no say in the creation of Hell (so says the show/comic, anyway) because CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW TERRIFYING IT’D BE?! No, you can’t, because Neil Gaiman’s imagination would definitely come up with something scarier than whatever you’re thinking. Lucifer’s devil face would be HORRIBLE. Demon faces would make you FAINT! Oh, it’d be glorious (although I suppose we’ve gotten multiple glimpses of what his Hell would be like, from his writing. Whatever, my point still stands).
I feel like it makes perfect SENSE in some ways, though, because Neil (it feels wrong just calling him by his first name like we’re pals, but he doesn’t seem like a Mr. Gaiman either) has that whole “rockstar author” reputation with his always wearing black and the leather jackets he used to wear which makes him seem very cool and aloof. But, in actuality, he is such a nice person (I can say this with a TINY bit of authority-- I got to have a short conversation with him several years ago, and he was very generous and kind to a very stammer-y, shake-y, dorky me). I mean, he’s still very cool. But not in the aloof, rockstar way. So having him be God-- THE ALMIGHTY, THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA, THE FIRST AND THE LAST, THE BEGINNING AND THE END, and don’t forget the whole WRATH OF-- in the form of this polite, British man and that hair of his? Perfect.
And how did Lucifer’s rebellion go, with Neil as God? I was imagining this epic, Zeus vs. Kronos-type battle, with Lucifer anger-sobbing his way through this heartbreaking, dramatic speech as he steadily loses against his father. But now? I kind of feel like it was something like this:
Lucifer: *presents design for snakes* Dad. Dad, look. How about this? Heh heh.
Neil-God: *sigh* Does it… does it have to be so phallic, though?
Lucifer: That’s the point.
Neil-God: Well, all right. Consider it created. What are you going to do with it?
Lucifer: I don’t know. Mess with those “human” things you keep going on about, probably.
Neil-God: I’d rather you didn’t.
Lucifer: JUST LET ME HAVE FREE WILL, DAD
Neil-God: Well, I--
Lucifer: IF I’M SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU, WHY DON’T YOU JUST CAST ME OUT??
Neil-God: I don’t think that’s necess--
Lucifer: I DON’T WANT TO LIVE HERE ANYMORE
Neil-God: If you really feel that way, we could fix up the basement for you and--
Lucifer: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE SENDING ME DOWN TO HELL TO STAY THERE FOR ETERNITY, I HATE YOU
(Clearly, I’m picturing this happening back in the day with, like, Angry Teen Lucifer.)
It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out for me in Season 4. Like, when Lucifer bitches about his dad, will I have to yell in Neil Gaiman’s defense? Am I Team Dad, now? Like, I was very solidly on Team Lucifer because those of us with dad issues need to support each other, but…
IT’S NEIL GAIMAN. HE DOESN’T GIVE YOU FATHER ISSUES, HE GIVES YOU FEAR OF THINGS THAT WILL PRETEND TO BE YOUR MOTHER SO THEY CAN TAKE OUT YOUR EYEBALLS AND REPLACE THEM WITH BUTTONS.
I’m very confused, you guys.
(Note: Shout out to the people who did the whole #SaveLucifer thing, because I’m late to the party and would’ve been bummed if it hadn’t been picked back up. Fan Rescue Operations FTW!)