Cons of Cons

I had a friend ask me recently if I could write a post about conventions-- sort of a guide for those who had never been to one before.  That’s not what this post is going to be (sorry, David), because I don’t feel like I’m the right person to speak on that.

I mean, sure, I’ve been to a few conventions: New York Comic-Con, San Diego Comic-Con (twice), D23, and I’ll be at Star Wars Celebration this coming April.  

… do Nerd HQ and Vulture Fest count as conventions? If so, I’ve done those, too.

So I guess I have some experience, but I’m not sure that I have the right attitude about conventions to attempt to guide anybody through preparation for them.  

I mean… do I even LIKE going to cons?

I don’t have patience for MOST things con-related, for one thing.  And while I’ll admit that I have been exceedingly, EXCEEDINGLY lucky in all of my con experiences, that luck has now pretty much run out and I think my desire to go to these things will go with it.

Like, okay-- badge and hotel sales.  It hasn’t really been an issue at all with the majority of the cons I’ve been to, but SDCC? FORGET IT. I never got a badge through the regular sale (I’m telling you, I had some LUCK. And some awesome friends). I had help with Hotelpocalypse MOST of the times I went, so I did okay there.  But talk about stressful! When I finally stopped participating in Hotelpocalypse, a WEIGHT WAS LIFTED OFF MY SHOULDERS. I can’t imagine that I’ll ever go through that again, honestly.

And isn’t that a sign that you never really liked something? That your life is ultimately BETTER without it? Maybe Marie Kondo is onto something.

I mean, look, I had some AMAZING experiences out in San Diego.  I really liked walking the floor at the main con. I had some good times at Nerd HQ-- which, in itself, was pretty stressful with buying tickets to panels.  But that luck thing? I had it, not to mention more help from friends. And if I’m being honest, THAT was the main draw for me: seeing a bunch of friends all at once.  That was way more fun than any floor or panel or offsite experience.

Speaking of that stuff, I have NEVER had the patience to wait in line for ANYTHING.  Honestly, I don’t know how people do it. Like, sorry, if I’m waiting in a line OVERNIGHT for something, particularly if it’s OUTSIDE, I better be getting something fucking AMAZING at the end of it.  And sitting in a seat in the back of a huge auditorium to see clips that will eventually come out to the public anyway is not good enough for me. A famous person I admire being SO FAR AWAY from me that I can’t even make out their features isn’t worth it to me, either.  Now, if SDCC was like, “WAIT IN THIS OVERNIGHT LINE TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH”... THAT I might do.

Um, who am I kidding, I would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS have the balls to do that.  Maybe if it was like, “Wait in this overnight line to get a drink with your favorite famous person and ask them three questions”.  I might have to force myself to do that. Even then I’d be hyperventilating-- “WHY ARE *GASP* YOU SO *GASP* AWESOME *GASP* OMG *GASP*”

Anyway.  

Maybe it’s that I’ve been so ridiculously spoiled that I know that I don’t HAVE to wait in line.  I mean, I live in NYC. EVERYONE comes here to promote stuff, eventually. I have pretty much been able to see EVERY artist I like here, and ALL of them have been… what, 25-50 feet away?  So why would I wait for HOURS somewhere when… I don’t have to, you know?

Events like Nerd HQ and Vulture Fest don’t help either-- like, sure, you pay per panel, but they’re small panels and you’ve got a guaranteed seat.  I will GLADLY pay for that over waiting in line.

And then there was my D23 experience.

*wistful sigh*

Ah, D23.  That glorious weekend when I had a press badge and got into LITERALLY EVERYTHING without having to wait in any lines.  It was like floating on convention air… and yeah, I was “working” and so furiously taking notes/trying to get tweets out.  But SO WORTH IT.

(I really tried to NOT mention how I did all that work just to be told that it “didn’t matter” because “no one reads it anyway”.  I REALLY TRIED, YOU GUYS.)

Like, you don’t come back from that kind of convention experience.  Nothing measures up anymore.

Which is why I’m vaguely concerned about my upcoming Star Wars Celebration trip-- like, I’m not going to be able to do ANYTHING.  I’m not willing to wait in line, I don’t have press access, and I’m not even sure I’ll be willing to shill out the big bucks for photo ops!  

Would I love to be in a Cassian series panel (have I mentioned that series in every post so far? Yikes), if they have one? OF COURSE… but then I remember that I got to see Diego Luna talk about Narcos: Mexico here in the city and was one couch away from the stage, so… it’s not like I won’t have other opportunities that are way more attainable and way more intimate.

In theory, would I WANT to get a picture with all my Rogue One faves, if one was available at SWC? I mean, yeah.  But I think the more important question is whether I’d ACTUALLY be able to be in that picture without trying to climb under furniture, and the answer is “probably not”. Like, I do NOT understand how people are able to ask for some of the poses I see on social media from celebrity photo ops. How do you go up to an actor you like a whole lot and basically say, “HI CAN YOU GAZE INTO MY EYES LIKE WE’RE IN LOVE??” HOW? I GENUINELY CANNOT EVEN PUT MYSELF INTO THAT STATE OF MIND. EVEN SLIGHTLY. PLEASE EXPLAIN.

Also, you know that pic would be like, $600 at LEAST. I would much rather spend that money on an art commission of me squeezing the entire Rogue One cast in my arms like they’re my little stuffed animals. You know, instead of me looking stiff and panicked and awkward among my gorgeous, precious Space Babies.

So yeah, I don’t think I’m the best person to talk about conventions. I guess go try one? See how you feel?

(But not NYCC. That was the WORST.)