Hello

Hello, my name is Shannon.

… this is where I would typically tell you about myself, but the truth is that I don’t really know who I am anymore.  What I do know, however, is that that-- truth-- is what I want to give to you.  Honesty. “Real talk”, if you will.

So here’s the little bit I know to be true:

  • For better or for worse, I am a writer.  I tried to stop, but that never really worked out.  I’m not sure what kind of writer I want to be anymore.  I used to want to be able to give fans/fandoms the experiences that I was lucky enough to have.  I used to want to represent fans/fandoms in the press, because I felt that they generally weren’t.  I used to want to share my trauma, emotions, thoughts, past, and everything else with my readers, in the hopes that it would help others.  I used to want to make a career out of writing.  I used to want to be an entertainment blogger/reporter.  I don’t think I want those things anymore.  I also used to write for a company called The Nerd Machine/Nerd HQ, which is probably how anyone is coming to read this.  I do not write for them anymore.  It was my decision to stop.  It was not an easy decision.  But it was the right one.
  • 2017 was a year of loss for me.  I am still coming to grips and finding my way through the loss of friends, hope, trust, dreams, goals, heroes, passions, and most of the things that I held most dear over the past five years.  While I don’t want to keep rehashing my feelings about these things, I recognize that I am still healing, and am dealing with residual anger and hurt from it.  This may reflect in my writing.  I will try my best to not do that often.  But I will not trust easily ever again.  I will not allow myself to believe that fandom/internet friends are after my best interests.  This will affect future relationships, but my greatest priority has become protecting my heart.  I will not apologize for that.
  • I do not have any plans to return to Twitter.  Links to my blog posts will appear there, but that’s it.  I do not regret leaving.
  • I suffer from bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts, though I have that second part mostly under control.  I will always be frank and open about that.  I am working on both of these issues.
  • I live in New York City, and it is still my favorite city on earth.  
  • I am a liberal, an atheist, a feminist, and anti-Nazi.   I am privileged. I have no problem expressing my views and opinions, and I will not tolerate hatred, judgment, or prejudice of any kind.  I used to believe that people were, essentially, good. I do not believe that anymore.  I am not sure if I will post often about my political views or opinions on social issues.  Most of the time, lately, I have to distract myself with something fictional to keep from falling into utter despair.  I do not have much hope for the fate of our country or our world.
  • I have a healthy and happy marriage.  I adore my husband.
  • I love Star Wars.

 

  • Purple is my favorite color.

Beyond these things, I don’t know.  I don’t know what I want, who I am, who I will be.  I don’t know what to think or feel, who or what to trust, who or what to believe.  I am taking the rest day by day-- no expectations, no goals, no plans.

This is my blog.  I will always be honest. There will be things I am not ready or do not want to talk about, things that I haven't figured out yet.  I will make mistakes and fuck up.  I might offend people, though that is never my intent.  I will question and wonder and over-analyze.  I don't know what I will write.  

But I will write.

And hopefully, along the way, I will find who I am again.