Hello, my name is Shannon.
… this is where I would typically tell you about myself, but the truth is that I don’t really know who I am anymore. What I do know, however, is that that-- truth-- is what I want to give to you. Honesty. “Real talk”, if you will.
So here’s the little bit I know to be true:
- For better or for worse, I am a writer. I tried to stop, but that never really worked out. I’m not sure what kind of writer I want to be anymore. I used to want to be able to give fans/fandoms the experiences that I was lucky enough to have. I used to want to represent fans/fandoms in the press, because I felt that they generally weren’t. I used to want to share my trauma, emotions, thoughts, past, and everything else with my readers, in the hopes that it would help others. I used to want to make a career out of writing. I used to want to be an entertainment blogger/reporter. I don’t think I want those things anymore. I also used to write for a company called The Nerd Machine/Nerd HQ, which is probably how anyone is coming to read this. I do not write for them anymore. It was my decision to stop. It was not an easy decision. But it was the right one.
- 2017 was a year of loss for me. I am still coming to grips and finding my way through the loss of friends, hope, trust, dreams, goals, heroes, passions, and most of the things that I held most dear over the past five years. While I don’t want to keep rehashing my feelings about these things, I recognize that I am still healing, and am dealing with residual anger and hurt from it. This may reflect in my writing. I will try my best to not do that often. But I will not trust easily ever again. I will not allow myself to believe that fandom/internet friends are after my best interests. This will affect future relationships, but my greatest priority has become protecting my heart. I will not apologize for that.
- I do not have any plans to return to Twitter. Links to my blog posts will appear there, but that’s it. I do not regret leaving.
- I suffer from bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts, though I have that second part mostly under control. I will always be frank and open about that. I am working on both of these issues.
- I live in New York City, and it is still my favorite city on earth.
- I am a liberal, an atheist, a feminist, and anti-Nazi. I am privileged. I have no problem expressing my views and opinions, and I will not tolerate hatred, judgment, or prejudice of any kind. I used to believe that people were, essentially, good. I do not believe that anymore. I am not sure if I will post often about my political views or opinions on social issues. Most of the time, lately, I have to distract myself with something fictional to keep from falling into utter despair. I do not have much hope for the fate of our country or our world.
- I have a healthy and happy marriage. I adore my husband.
- I love Star Wars.
- Purple is my favorite color.
Beyond these things, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want, who I am, who I will be. I don’t know what to think or feel, who or what to trust, who or what to believe. I am taking the rest day by day-- no expectations, no goals, no plans.
This is my blog. I will always be honest. There will be things I am not ready or do not want to talk about, things that I haven't figured out yet. I will make mistakes and fuck up. I might offend people, though that is never my intent. I will question and wonder and over-analyze. I don't know what I will write.
But I will write.
And hopefully, along the way, I will find who I am again.