Don't Panic!

What To Do Instead of Panicking When Your Idiot Presidential-Mistake Starts Inciting Nuclear War on Social Media

  • Have some chocolate. 

(If you're allergic, please know that you have my sincerest condolences.  Substitute with booze.  You deserve it.)

  • Watch an episode of "Black Mirror" on Netflix.  Sure, things are bad, but at least we're not being killed by the hundreds of thousands by robotic bees. *enthusiastic thumbs up*
  • Treat yourself to a moment of self confidence: most of us never dreamed that we could be president, but hey! Chances are that you'd do a much better job than the current one.  Put that in the "win" column.  (Also, take this time to decide on what horrendous Christmas decorations you would line the White House halls with.  Personally, I would forego holiday decorations altogether and turn the whole place into The Shining for Halloween, but that's just me.)
  • Realize that you, in the entire span of time and space, in the ENTIRE universe, existed during the same period and on the same planet as both Lupita Nyong'o and Neil Gaiman. Even if it all ends, that is some fucking luck right there.
  • Have an orgasm.  Seriously. With someone, alone, with multiple people, whatever.  If you're a dude, it will help you accept your mortality (or so I'm told).  If you're a girl, you're both representing for the millions of women who are denied this pleasure AND, y'know, getting it while you still can. 
  • Believe, for just a moment, that you and your celebrity crush will totally make out one day.  (It's okay.  You're still less delusional than Trump.) (Also, I said for just a MOMENT. Now back away from the risk of becoming a scary, obsessive stalker.  Easy, easy. There you go.)
  • Take one item from your bucket list and find a way to make it happen, as soon as possible. Life is short, nuclear war or otherwise. You owe it to yourself to make some dreams happen (while keeping the healthy and realistic knowledge that not ALL of them are possible).  Do what you can.
  • Read a book. Watch a movie. Watch a show.  Something happy and comforting, like "The Good Place", or "Parks and Recreation".  
  • Breathe.  Keep breathing.
  • And, finally, and definitely most importantly: register to vote.